Category Archives: Stress

A Distressing Spirit

Book, Chapter & Verse

1 Samuel 16:14 says “But the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and a distressing spirit from the Lord troubled him.”  v 23 also speaks of this distressing spirit and says, again, that it was “from the Lord”.  Several times in 1 Samuel we see that this spirit was distressing and also “from the Lord”.

It makes me wonder more about depression.  Obviously Saul had issues that led to his falling out of the Lord’s favor.  It’s interesting to me, however, to think about depression coming to someone specifically from the Lord.

How can we understand why the Lord would purposefully make someone depressed?

Depression is a horrible way of living.  I can only say this because I recognize that in recent years, there have been times in my own life where depression was obviously present.

Not wanting to get out of bed, the inability to…

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I would rather pull my teeth out

I would rather pull my teeth out, one by one, with a set of rusty pliers on a snowy day in the middle of the desert than….

teach my children to write!

There!  Somehow that made this homeschooling day a little bit better 🙂

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Filed under Attitude, Children, Confession, Home School, Homeschool, homeschooling, Humor, Life, Stress, Trials

Tagged.

tag #4

The trouble with tags….

they keep rubbing until you finally do something about them. 

I’ve been tagged by Dale over at Riches and Grace.  (Link on my sidebar)

The problem is that I don’t have much time to play this week.  –Especially now that I am responsible for the education of my child, and the reality of it is sinking in, and I realize that I have no one else to blame if my child doesn’t do well in school, and I can’t talk about the teachers being a problem, and I have figured out that it is really hard to teach planned lessons to a five year old and adapt it to a 3 year old as well, and to plan for and effectively teach 12 different subjects, and I think that this is possibly the longest run-on sentence in the world, and if I can’t even type without making a huge run-on sentence, I am wondering how in the world I am going to be able to teach him Language Arts?    (eh, hmmm…….ok……deep breath and count….1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10…..Whew!  I feel better!)

So…..without time to properly tag and link, I victimize you, the lucky reader, to respond to my tag in a comment! 

 Here’s eight things about me:

  1. I was born with a birthmark on my face that required two surgeries to correct.  I think I was the only 4 year old that knew what the words, “Cavernous hemangioma” meant.
  2. I was saved at the age of six.
  3. I know a little about alot, but not alot about much of anything.
  4. I have eaten a rooster comb.
  5. I never had a real best friend until about 9 years ago.
  6. Although I don’t now get a chance to do it, I love fishing, hunting, camping, hiking, and water skiing.
  7. I once walked up to Chuck Norris for an autograph, and realized only within about 4 feet of him, it was not Chuck, but his double. 
  8. I have given birth to all four of my children naturally and without an epidural.

Now, it’s your turn — please leave a comment with 8 things about you. 

The tag is there…It’s rubbing YOUR back now!  The only way to get rid of the annoyance, is to respond to it, and leave a comment!

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Filed under Blessings, Blogging, Children, Family, Friends, God, Homeschool, Humor, Joy, Life, Love, Stress, Tag

Job Hunting.

I’ve made it to Job, chapter 18.  God is talking to me right now  –talking about distress and despair…learning to deal with the “bad” while still clinging to hope.  When I wrote “Battling for Brett”, I was so upset.  I now feel a little vulnerable having spoken my heart all over the internet, but sleeping since then, it seems almost like just a bad dream.  Brett is playing, talking, and running like usual, and except for what may be a small sinus infection, you would never know that he had been ill.

Can you believe it?…All that chaos over a SINUS INFECTION?!  I continue to be amazed at these seizure episodes.  Febrile seizures are usually characterized as happening at the onset of an illness.  His body just cannot regulate the rise of temperature properly.  Instead of getting a fever that gradually increases, his body just goes from “no fever” to over 102 degrees in an instant, thus triggering a seizure.  So far, there has only been one instance in his whole life (at age 3 months) that he has run fever and NOT had a seizure.  I’m thinking…”How can the common cold, something every child experiences, can cause such problems for Brett?”  He cannot be the “normal” runny nose child.  Because of the seizures, we constantly have to watch over him and just know that any sign — ANY sign of  a cold could be the only warning sign we have before he seizes.

Looking back to Tuesday, we remember him sneezing 3 times during the day…just three.  I also remember looking at his nose and seeing one clear drop attempting to run out of one nostril…just one.  That was it!  No other signs of illness at all.  He played fast and hard all day and night, ate well, slept well the night before — no other signs.  Then it happened.

Since we’ve now seen 17 of these, one would think that we would finally recognize sure-tell signs that seizure potential was there.  I mean, it has been a real “duh” moment for me.  I “shoulda’, woulda’, coulda'” maybe prevented it.  Shoulda’ paid more attention to the four signs we did have, so that I woulda’ started giving him Motrin or Tylenol or something that might have helped, that way maybe….just maybe…I coulda’ prevented this whole episode.

Questions like these just keep ringing in my ears.  I think, having only had one very small seizure since his adenoid surgery, I have allowed myself to begin thinking that he is just a “normal kid”.  But….he’s not.  I cannot ignore a cough, a sneeze, a runny nose, a glassy look in his eyes, a reduction in his energy level, a moment where he might lose his balance, an awkward moment in his motor functions — they could all be the only sign of impending seizure.

So…..I go back to my “Over Protectant Mother Mode” –One that I’m sure many have felt was unnecessary.  To me, however, it’s the only way I know to protect my child.

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Still God.

For some unknown reason, I am in a state of mind that is just ….?….(I am even unable to put words to adequately describe it).

There is so much spinning around me that I am unable to grasp ahold of anything fully and devote myself to it. 

I feel like either satan is attacking, and/or God is speaking, and am unsure of how to answer. 

“Is it me, Lord?  Is it me that is entertaining selfish desires or doubts?  Am I wrong to feel so disconnected with what is going on in one direction, yet such a connection with another?” 

“Or…Is it You, Lord?  Are You telling me that I need to take notice?” 

Earthly speaking….nothing is making sense.  Half of me is wondering if I am just “PMS-ng”  (sorry guys!).  Still….I just can’t shake it and sit here wondering what the answer is.

I am glad that God is….Still God.  I know that He is in control, and will reveal the answer.  It’s just so miserable in the “inbetween”.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death”

Proverbs 14:12

“Lord, keep me on Your path”

 

“Wisdom is found on the lips of him who has understanding”

Proverbs 10:13

“Lord, give me understanding”

 

“Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.”

Proverbs 12:25

“Lord, give me a good word”

 

“The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, And he who wins souls is wise.” 

Proverbs 11:30

“Lord, make me wise”

 

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In a Slump of a Whirlwind.

Yes, I am still around on the planet earth!  lol — I have been in some what of a blogging slump — but it’s mainly due to the whirlwind of activity around here.  My husband knows it’s busy when I don’t find time at the computer! 😉

Since my last post, which was so full of excitement about the Lord’s work, I have been purposefully waiting to write.  –Waiting for the time to sit down and adequately describe all the Lord is doing in our life.  However, it is becoming evident that my computer time is short, and will be for a while yet.  So….with much abbreviation, however a long post, here’s the list:

  • I am now a pastor’s wife!  God has been calling our family into ministry for about ten years, and now the time finally came for it to become a reality.  Our little country church, Purtis Creek Baptist, is home to several dedicated and loving families who have committed to allowing the Lord’s direction through my husband.  We are all emotions at once — excited, blessed, nervous, anxious, scared, etc.  Our “To-Do” List is growing by leaps and bounds, and we are just having to take a step back ever so often to figure out where to start!  Please pray for my husband’s endurance — he is bivocational, well — actually tri-vocational if you take into consideration a part-time job he is also working.  He says that he’s fine…..the “wife” in me says I should be concerned!  Also, the first big outreach for the church will be during vacation bible school, for which we are attempting to quickly prepare.  Our deepest thanks goes to our home church for sending us their bible school “leftovers”!  Mounds of decorations, materials, craft supplies, etc. have been sent our way through the love of our former church members.  Since our new church has been without a pastor for almost a year, and has not had a bible school in several years, we are most grateful to receive the support and supplies.
  • Galoneda Outreach  – Through some friends, we have been blessed to be involved in an outreach effort unlike none other in our area.  God has targeted a particular neighborhood in our area for salvation and provision.  He has led a team of 20?, 30? people from several different denominational backgrounds and several different churches to participate in a mass visitation and outreach effort to this neighborhood.  Door-to-door visits are leading to salvation decisions, discipleship, fellowship, children’s bible clubs, food provision, etc.  It is really exciting to see real work being done for the Lord.  Each Saturday during the summer, the children have been coming to the neighborhood’s park for games, songs, bible stories, hot dogs/refreshment, and playtime.  Looking at the faces of those participating (and those driving by), you can just see the need for God written everywhere.  Just this past week, I also heard of another church in the area who has heard of the effort and apparently may be interested in setting up some sort of after school care support for children in the neighborhood.  God is growing and growing the revival in this community, and we are just blessed to be near Him.  I guarantee you…..if you want to feel close to God, just come to Cherokee Shores on a Saturday morning this summer!  It’s truly indescribable with mere words!
  • Oak Street Outreach – Another outreach to which we have been recently introduced.  The man who oversees this work has given all to this ministry.  He and his wife and children live in a building being used to house the homeless.  There are several men and women living there who so desperately needed someone to just care about them. — unemployment, medical conditions, pregnancy, instability, deep emotional scars brought about by the traumatic conditions they have endured so many times over the years, physical abuse, etc — these people are being ministered to in a way that is so needed.  Please pray for them all, particularly the continuance of the ministry and financial needs.  I can tell you that just the short time I spent talking with some of the ladies and children, has really touched my heart.  I am looking forward to supporting their ministry in whatever ways I can be involved.  I pray that God will use me to counsel to, worship with, disciple, and provide for the director’s family (whose children are so precious, by the way) as well as the men and women who are living there. 
  • Our family is also participating in a weekly prayer group on Tuesday nights.  We bring the whole family for a potluck supper at someone’s house, and then intense, focused worship and prayer afterwards.   The kids play (at last count, there were 18+ children), the moms excuse ourselves ever so often to deal with/check on the kids, and the rest of the adults continue in prayer/worship sometimes into 10:30-11:00 p.m.  It makes for a long day/night, however, God is listening.  Like a refreshing rain, the “oneness” of our petitions stir our souls and encourage us to continue in His work.  It’s just AWESOME!   

   

  • College  – Oh my goodness!!!  College preparations are soooooo exhausting and cumbersome!  The last several days have been spent with my daughter visiting and registering at college — 7+ hours away!  We drove there on Thursday, staying in luxurious accomodations dorm rooms during our visit.  Let me just make a note here to describe for you the campus bell tower………ding-dong, ding-dong……dong-ding, dong-ding…..ding-dong, ding-dong….dong-ding, dong-ding…….DONG!……DONG!……DONG!…….(you get the picture, right?!)  Well, picture this beautiful sound going off EVERY FIFTEEN MINUTES —– ROUND THE CLOCK — 24 HOURS !!!!!  With the fine insulated and sound proof single-pane, aluminum windows, this made for a great night’s sleep during our visit. 

 We did, however, have a wonderful trip.  It was made even greater when she was approached by the track coach there who ended up offering her more scholarship monies to run track in the spring!  She will now be there on a dual scholarship — soccer and track! (cha-ching! — yes!)

Now, we just need to work on gathering everything she needs, getting her car maintenanced, immunizations up to date, teaching her how to drive long distance on busy freeways and interstates, finding a cheap (ha!) laptop, and figuring out a way to make her two young brothers understand that she will be leaving us until probably Christmas.  (sniff, sniff)

Oh! — the BEST part of the trip was when I was mistaken for my daughter’s sister one, two, THREE times!!! (Yes!)  One of the professors even made attempts to give me a degree plan, along with the other incoming freshman!

See…..wonderful challenges, but it has been a whirlwind!  Hopefully, sometime in the near future, I will find time to write an awe-inspiring blog again (ha ha), but until then, hopefully you will pray for us as we dig ourselves out of our day planners!

May God continue to bless each of you, my blogger sisters and brothers!   

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the One who brought us together.

myprince.jpg 

Complete with his crown, “My Prince”…

..sent to me from the King Himself!…and this is how I know:

 1.  I was too young.

Our love story began almost 23 years ago in July of 1984.  I had just finished my 10th grade year in high school, and was enjoying summer break.  The uncle of one of my friends was on my mind, but I never dreamed it possible that he would be interested in me.  Add to that the fact that he was eight years older than me, and it seemed like the greatest improbability that we would ever get together. 

2.  He was too old.

One night, as I was going out to pull my car into the driveway, he was driving around the neighborhood and pulled in to talk to me.  (Wow!…my heart skipped a thousand beats!)  We hit it off right away, not really consciously aware of it yet, but God had wonderful plans for us.  The hurdle was asking my parents if they would allow me to go out with him.  You see, just three weeks before, I had asked to go out with another guy who was only three years older, and their reason for turning me down, “he’s too old!”

3.  We came from opposites…..and in some ways still are.

Because of our age differences, we have different perspectives of many things in general.  I was a “disco”…he was a “rock”.  I was just entering the real world.  He had been out of school for 8 years.  I wanted a new car.  He had already learned the benefits of no payments on a used car. 

Even in our families, there were differences.  My parents divorced at my early age of five.  On top of that my mother had to work long hours and endure the hardships of raising a family of four children on her small teacher’s salary alone, as well as continuing to finish her degree.  Consequently, my brother, sisters and I became independent at a young age, having to cook meals, take care of the house and ourselves as the need demanded. 

Kenneth’s parents were married for many, many years until his father passed away.  His mother was a homemaker who still was doing his laundry for him at the age of 26!  His Dad rose at 5:00 a.m. to begin cooking a feast everyday so that it would be ready for Kenneth at lunch and dinner.  I remember visiting often and never seeing anything less than a tender, well-cooked meat, some sort of dried beans, cornbread, vegetables, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, bread and dessert!  It was like a never-ending Thanksgiving meal! 

These differences in time and family have been challenging, as many times we fail to understand the thoughts of each other, but also rewarding because we share experiences with each other, learning to appreciate our strengths and weaknesses. 

4.  We are good for each other.

From the “get-go” it seemed that our union was meant to be.  We knew within the first four months that we would spend the rest of our lives together.  In December of 1984, Kenneth proposed to me and we defied the odds of such a relationship, staying together through the rest of my high school years, finally getting married on June 7, 1986. 

During our engagement period, God began talking to us about our relationship with Him.  Kenneth had been out of church for some time, and began attending with me.  His love for the Lord grew and grew as he devoured the Word.  In no time, Kenneth quickly outgrew the knowledge and wisdom I had of the bible and all its’ wonders.  God continued talking to both of us about marriage, and how our relationship should be during that time and in the future, and although we didn’t always respond as He wanted us to, we credit our Lord for the lessons we learned.  We can now confidently say that when we do listen to Him, we grow, and when we don’t, we fall.  When others in our family, school and community felt we would never make it, we know it was God who pulled us through. 

5.  We have been blessed.

I wish I could say it has been 20+ years of “bliss”, but that would be stretching it!  But….it HAS been wonderful so far!  We have been through good and bad times, which is all we ever expected.  We have learned that through trial and hardship, God speaks the loudest.  Sometimes He has to scream at us to make His voice known, but in the end, we are blessed to overcome. 

He has seen us through communicational barriers, financial hardships, life distractions, illnesses, the stresses of a growing family, unemployment, and much more.  Amazingly, even though we face many of those obstacles, He always has a plan that is better in the end.  (Romans 8:28) 

When we need a few more dollars to make ends meet, He provides it.  When we need a few moments of peace, He provides it.  When we do not understand what to do next, He gives us peace and assurance.  Because of our Lord, we are blessed beyond measure.

6.  We are committed.

I think it was during the 3rd year of our marriage that we had the most difficulty.  Kenneth had just lost his job.  I had just had our second child, and was battling with a toddler at the same time, — all at the ripe ole’ age of 21!  We sold almost everything we owned, preparing to move to California where he had been promised a job, which never came through.  So, we basically started over again, finding a little house to rent for $150.00 a month.  (You can imagine what a dream home it was!?)  It was stressful, to say the least!!!  If there was any time that either one of us might have considered leaving, it may have been then.  But…God had different plans.  He showed us that we can trust Him to bring us through hard times. 

We know the “secret” to a long marriage……God and commitment!  Because we are committed to “forever”, I know that we can depend on God and lean on each other to get through it.

7.  We want more.

Although we are content in the Lord and His provision, we are not satisfied with the way things are right now.  Normally, that might be seen as a bad thing, but in our eyes, it only strengthens the union we have made.  Marriage is a constant “tweeking” of what works and what doesn’t.  As you become one, you realize what battles are worth picking, and what battles aren’t.  One of our biggest arguments early in our marriage happened because we couldn’t agree on how to fix a box of macaroni and cheese!?!!  Wow!…that was definately NOT an argument worth making! 

When there is so much divorce and hurting families, we desire to keep ours together and strong…but it takes work.  Work that we are willing to do, and sacrifice that we are willing to make.  We want more of God’s blessings, more of God’s wisdom, and more of His infinite mercies upon our family.  We pray that our children will benefit from our relationship, excusing us when we fail, but most of all seeing that we desire to be instruments of God, teaching them to live as He would want.

Selfishly, we wish we had a regular moment to spend together everyday.  With our four kids, his two jobs, church, and school, we stay on the go most days….but for now, we are content to steal moments together whenever we can. 

This Valentine’s Day, I declare “My Prince” as king of the Day!  For today, I abolish the couch pillow rule as he described in his post, “Man Law”, forgive the undone “Honey-Do List”, praise the overflowing stack of books on the bookshelf, and ignore the misplaced items around the house!  I thank God for a best friend, confidant, and love. 

To my husband, Kenneth, who means so much to me, “I Love You!”

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