Category Archives: Febrile Seizure

Oh Lord…

Oh Lord,

My leg is hurting.  I’ve stretched my tendon and it just aches.  I really want to work out but it won’t let me.

Oh Lord,

I couldn’t sleep last night…..again.  Yes I stayed up too late watching television and shouldn’t have, but then when I really wanted to sleep, it wouldn’t come. 

Oh Lord,

I’m worried.  There’s so much to worry about.  It seems at any moment our “castle” could come crumbling down…

I know to some people, these sound like petty concerns, but it reminds me of something one of my friends posted on Facebook the other day:  “It’s all so “black and white”….until you’re in the middle of it.

Oh Lord :/

I’m so grateful you healed Brett from seizures…but there’s Natalie, Lord.  There’s Natalie….such a beautiful girl.  She just wants to stand at her school desk without losing her balance.  The effects of Friedreich’s Ataxia keep her from doing that.  Lord, please heal her.  Please ease her pain.  Please comfort her Mom and Dad and each one of her brothers and sisters as they go through this journey knowing that as of now, there is no cure.  Having a sick child is heart wrenching.  Having a child with an incurable disease is life altering.

“It’s all so “black and white”…..until you’re in the middle of it.”  People just don’t understand.



You know the other day when my child got mad at me?  I just don’t understand.  Oh how I try to be a good and loving Mom. ..but I failed that day.  I failed that day and many other days.  Sometimes I just fail.

Oh Lord,  help me not fail so much.  I love my kids so much — more than I can even explain in words.  However, being a parent is not easy, and sometimes it seems that no matter what I do (or don’t do)…..I just fail.

It’s all so “black and white”…..until you’re in the middle of it.”


Just wondering what you’re going to do about selling our house?  Lord, you know we’ve been trying.  It is so important to us to be out in the country enjoying your clean, green environment.  It’s important for the boys to live the “country life”.  It’s really important, Lord — to us anyway.

But then there’s my two sons-in-law…

They are both overseas willingly putting their life on the line for who?  — People in the USA who don’t even appreciate it?  — People who have no idea the sacrifice military families make, and many of whom don’t care. 

Lord, I care.  I see the care in the eyes of both my daughters who miss their husbands so deeply.    I see that our friends care when they take time out of their day to encourage our daughters, or to spend their Spring Break helping us move one back home after her husband deployed.  I care.  They care. 

There are some that care.

My sons-in-law aren’t roaming through beautiful country right now.  They aren’t smelling the fresh clean air.  They are “enjoying” sand, and extreme temperatures, sleeping in bunks, traveling through very dangerous areas, being shot at, missing their spouses and children, and yet doing it for all of us, without complaint.

“It’s all so “black and white” because it is their job and expected as soldiers in the Army of the good ole’ USA…. except that they are in the middle of it.

Oh Lord…..nevermind.  I dont’ really NEED to move right now.  We’ve done enough of that recently, it won’t hurt us to wait for our “dream” home a while longer.

Lord, today I will try to be the best parent I can be … once again.  I will try to just remain grateful for these good times like yesterday when I was surprised with a wonderful visit by both my daughters and my Granddaughter.  Lord, that Granddaughter!!!….she just makes me smile!  🙂 🙂 🙂   See?!  I even have to add “smileys” here when I think of her!  I get even more excited knowing that there is another grandchild on the way!  Two grandchildren, Lord!  Two!  (and I’m still young enough to enjoy playing with them!)  Thank you Lord.  I love my family 🙂

Speaking of family…. I will never forget the work you have done for us healing Brett’s seizures.  Lord, you know how hard of a time that period of years was for us….feeling so hopeless to do anything for him…daily missing opportunities to enjoy life because of the fear of additional illness.  He didn’t even get a chance to play at McDonald’s as a toddler!  Definately too many germs there to risk. 

However, Lord, he is now healed!  You performed a miracle no one else could even do.  Twenty-one seizures over a period of 2-3 years now “history”, thanks to you!  No doctors can explain it.  No hospitals found conclusive reasoning, but you, Lord!  There’s no doubt that you took care of it!

…and now, I know it’s possible for you to take care of our friends. I believe, Lord, that you can heal Natalie if it serves Your will and purpose.  Please help her family get through the “gray” times, like You did for us during Brett’s illness. 

Help us to remember and help others recognize that there’s no “black and white” during hard times like these, except for Your love.   It is the one thing we can count on everyday. 

A friend, Josh King, once stated “The bible is not situationally ethical.  Man colors in the gray; God is always black and white.”  I wrote this in my bible on October 21, 2006 so that I could remind myself that You are never failing, Lord.  It is only us that colors in the “gray“.  We get so messed up in the head, confused by worry, fear, hurt, despair, desperation, anger, concern, doubt, etc that we take our eyes from You and spend all our energies trying to “fix it ourself”. 

Desperately we lash out.  Desperately we blame others.  Desperately we do things that make no sense logically (as our friends are ordering our padded room and straight jacket).  Desperately we sometimes even blame you, Lord…

…but in all actuality, You sit there, patiently waiting.  Your love is still there, wishing we would just quit flailing our arms and reach out to what you offer through faith.  If we would only learn that You are truly in control, and have our “back”, we would fare so much better.  If we would only learn…

Thank you for your consistent, never changing love Lord.

One more thing, Lord…

Writing all this now, I realize that having a sore leg isn’t so bad after all.  I’ll just try to push through the pain and work out today anyway.  I’ll “suck it up” and tell my friends I’m back on the road to fitness, even when I know I may not be quite ready to run.  I won’t let the “gray” suck me in for today, Lord.  I’ll focus on You instead.  Your “black and white” love is so much more appealing that my “gray“. 

…and when I look around and see someone else struggling, I’ll remember…

It’s all so “black and white”  … except for the thing they are in the middle of.


Filed under Blessings, Children, Faith, Family, Febrile Seizure, Friends, God, Grace, Life, Parenting, Trials

Not Me! Monday


Welcome to “Toby’s Toasted Bananas” — the blog that’s kinda like the scene from “Forrest Gump”….you never know what name you’re gonna get!  

In the spirit of “Not”, I’m struggling to come up with something relatively interesting to post.

I was pretty normal this week.  (No comments about that, ok?! lol) 

Not much crazy stuff to confess, I’m afraid.  

Hmmm…..Let’s talk about the economy!  …….NOT!

For one day, wouldn’t it be a nice news report to hear “The stock market is back up, gas is down, we’re all gonna’ be able to afford dinner this week, and you’re not gonna’ have to ration squares of toilet paper after all!”

I mean, have you ever bought 2-ply only to feel like you have to make it 1-ply so it will last longer?! lol

We were gonna plant a garden this weekend, but the tiller isn’t working.  It’s probably not worth fixing either, so I guess we’ll just go without 😦  

I tried to think of a way to convince the husband to use the old plow we found when we moved here, but figured he’d “NOT” that idea right away!

The youngest is sick again.  We’re carefully watching him for potential seizure signs, trying to keep him rested and eating/drinking well.  So far, so good.  –May just be allergies due to yard work yesterday.

Not much else to talk about today.  What things did you NOT do this week?


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Filed under Children, Family, Febrile Seizure, Not Me! Monday

Acts, Chapter 3.

“Peter and John went to pray.

They met a lame man on the way.

He asked for alms and held out his palms,

and this is what Peter did say.

Silver and gold have I none,

but such as I have, give I thee.

In the name of Jesus Christ

of Nazareth, rise up and walk.

He went walking and leaping and praising God!

Walking and leaping and praising God!

In the name of Jesus Christ

of Nazareth, rise up and walk.”

This chapter reminds me of the song I used to sing as a child.  The words explain verses 1-10 of chapter 3. 

The lame man was lame from birth.  This was not a trick.  Because the lame man was brought to the temple daily, most people recognized him and were familiar with his disabilities.  It was especially peaking to their interest when he was healed, because they had personal knowledge of his life before the healing. 

Peter and John acted “in the name of Jesus Christ”, not crediting self, but pointing the action and the power of the miracle to the appropriate owner.  Jesus was the One who healed the man. 

Also note that the lame man instinctively gave praise and credit back to God.  He went “walking and leaping and praising God”.  It was a natural response.  He was excited.  He was grateful.  He didn’t thank Peter or John, he thanked God.  The healed man gave immediate testimony of the miracle to all those present that day.  There was no doubt that the man was healed, and there was no doubt who was responsible for the healing because the man, himself, gave credit to God.  Who better to know the Healer’s name, but the one who has been healed?

The name of Jesus holds immeasurable power.  Have you ever just expressed your faith by audibly speaking in the name of Jesus Christ?

There are times in my life where I remember Christ’s name, audibly spoken, evoking power over the situation.   One such time was during a 5 1/2 minute seizure my son was having.  We were practicing with the praise team when he fell to the ground seizing uncontrollably.  My husband ran toward us holding him and screaming my son’s name.  It was horrific.  I had never seen my husband that scared.

I took Brett, laid him down on the floor, called his name over and over, trying to figure out what we could do to help him.  I think there was several people who were near us, others trying to keep children away, one running to call an ambulance.  A lot of the ordeal was subconsciously blanked out, but what I remember is someone saying they called 911, the images of him jerking violently, his lips turning blue, then hearing the words of one of our paramedic friends say, “There’s just nothing we can do for him right now“……time just ticking by, still seizing, praying in my mind, “Lord, he’s only two…God, please help him, help him Lord“….then, suddenly I hear Cherie’s voice,

“In the name of Jesus……through the power of Your Name….”

Her prayer will always be a remembrance of that day, because the name of Jesus echoes over and over in my mind.  It was Jesus who heard our cries.  It was the name of Jesus that calmed my motherly panic and assured me that Brett would be okay.  The name of Jesus rang out, bursting through all the chaos and noise and confusion, as if it were blasted through a loud speaker in my ear.   Even now, 2 years later, I cannot fully describe the whole power that His name gave over that whole situation.  It is just wonderfully unexplainable.  

The name of Jesus is a powerful weapon.  It cuts through fear and doubt and hurt.  It reminds us that we don’t have to face situations alone.  It brings our ally, the most powerful and victorious One, to our side to comfort, strengthen, heal, and destroy the futile attempts of satan against us.  

This reminds me of another song:

“There is power, power in the name of Jesus.

There is power, power in Jesus’ name.

Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess

The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Son of Righteousness.

Hell is trembling at the strength we possess.

We have power, power, power in Jesus’ name.”

Jesus’ name gives us power, just as we receive through the Holy Spirit, to face each day.  Verse 16 points out that Jesus’ name, through faith in His name, makes us strong.   

Hell trembles at the sound of it.  We have nothing more to fear.  Praise the Lord for the freedom to use the name of Jesus!   


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Filed under Acts, Bible, Bible Study, Children, Christ, Church, Faith, Family, Febrile Seizure, God, Grace, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Power, Traditional

Bad News/Good News.

1)  Bad News – He’s running 101 fever now

2)  Good News – He’s tolerating it withOUT SEIZING!!


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Filed under Blogging, Children, Family, Febrile Seizure, God, Grace, Health, Thanks



US Influenza

I am happy to announce that after 6 days of 101 – 102 degree fever, the six year old is finally entering the 24-hour fever free zone!  It has been a ride, let me tell ya’.  I don’t even know where we picked it up (except maybe a Wal-Mart buggy), but I pray you all will be flu-free.

According to this map, it looks like the rest of the country is experiencing similar times.  Scary, huh?

A huge blessing, though, is that the four year old has escaped most of it with the exception of some congestion, cough and runny nose.  We are extremely thankful he remains seizure free since July 2007!

Heading back to school and a “normal” life, whatever that is!!! 

Blessings to you all 🙂


Filed under Blessings, Children, Family, Febrile Seizure, Flu, Gifts, God, Homeschool, Life

Our Christmas Miracle.

The four year old has been sick!

He was throwing up all day long yesterday and then running fever for about seven hours!

I know, you think I’m the sick one, huh?  Proclaiming his stomach virus as a miracle?

Well, it is! 

Yesterday was the second time in his whole life, — the first time since he was 3 months old, that he has run fever and did NOT have a seizure!

Four years, and sixteen seizures………erased!……overcome with one little episode of the stomach virus!!  Woo hoo!!!!!!!

 Praise God for our Christmas miracle, sent to us in the midst of trial, to encourage us of His continual presence in our lives. 

Thank you, Lord.  I am grateful and humbled. 

Merry Christmas!


Filed under Blessings, Children, Family, Febrile Seizure, Gifts, God, Grace, Health, Life, Love, Thanks

A Machete, A Kleenex, and Some School

We’re home from the winds of Northwest Texas!  We had a great visit with my daughter and especially enjoyed the treat of watching her college soccer game on Tuesday.

We tried to keep our schooling on schedule, but failed to get it all done due to about 900 miles on the road.  Still, it was educational…the boys got to see lots of fields, crops, and oil wells — something we don’t normally have regular exposure to, and believe it or not,…it actually fit in with Chapter Two of our Math lessons where the setting and manipulatives revolve around fields and planting, etc.   

The family cat has decided that my bedroom needs an exorcism or something!  She is fine on top of my bed, but will NOT stand on the floor without laying her ears down, and crouching low to the ground.  She sniffs and sniffs as though something were under my bed and she refuses to get anywhere near it!

She jumps at the least little noise, and is acting verrrrryyyy weird!  I’m thinking….if it were a mouse or a bug, she wouldn’t be scared.  So….the only assumption that I can make after that is that it is a snake or ?????, —thus my reason for wanting to borrow Cherie’s machete and why I have slept on the couch for the last three nights 😉

We’ve also been home bound and missed our first coop meeting due to the continual West Texas wind we inhaled during our trip.  The three year old has been coughing for two nights, but no seizures as of yet.  (Praise the Lord!) 

My head feels like it is going to split open, and there’s a porcupine in my throat.  –for real….I think.

So…we’re playing catch up this weekend on our school work, wondering if we should move out of our bedroom all together, and keeping the Kleenex company in business. 

Sounds like fun, huh?!


Filed under Cat Behavior, Children, Family, Febrile Seizure, God, Health, Homeschool, Humor, Time