Monthly Archives: March 2011

Oh Lord…

Oh Lord,

My leg is hurting.  I’ve stretched my tendon and it just aches.  I really want to work out but it won’t let me.

Oh Lord,

I couldn’t sleep last night…..again.  Yes I stayed up too late watching television and shouldn’t have, but then when I really wanted to sleep, it wouldn’t come. 

Oh Lord,

I’m worried.  There’s so much to worry about.  It seems at any moment our “castle” could come crumbling down…

I know to some people, these sound like petty concerns, but it reminds me of something one of my friends posted on Facebook the other day:  “It’s all so “black and white”….until you’re in the middle of it.

Oh Lord :/

I’m so grateful you healed Brett from seizures…but there’s Natalie, Lord.  There’s Natalie….such a beautiful girl.  She just wants to stand at her school desk without losing her balance.  The effects of Friedreich’s Ataxia keep her from doing that.  Lord, please heal her.  Please ease her pain.  Please comfort her Mom and Dad and each one of her brothers and sisters as they go through this journey knowing that as of now, there is no cure.  Having a sick child is heart wrenching.  Having a child with an incurable disease is life altering.

“It’s all so “black and white”…..until you’re in the middle of it.”  People just don’t understand.



You know the other day when my child got mad at me?  I just don’t understand.  Oh how I try to be a good and loving Mom. ..but I failed that day.  I failed that day and many other days.  Sometimes I just fail.

Oh Lord,  help me not fail so much.  I love my kids so much — more than I can even explain in words.  However, being a parent is not easy, and sometimes it seems that no matter what I do (or don’t do)…..I just fail.

It’s all so “black and white”…..until you’re in the middle of it.”


Just wondering what you’re going to do about selling our house?  Lord, you know we’ve been trying.  It is so important to us to be out in the country enjoying your clean, green environment.  It’s important for the boys to live the “country life”.  It’s really important, Lord — to us anyway.

But then there’s my two sons-in-law…

They are both overseas willingly putting their life on the line for who?  — People in the USA who don’t even appreciate it?  — People who have no idea the sacrifice military families make, and many of whom don’t care. 

Lord, I care.  I see the care in the eyes of both my daughters who miss their husbands so deeply.    I see that our friends care when they take time out of their day to encourage our daughters, or to spend their Spring Break helping us move one back home after her husband deployed.  I care.  They care. 

There are some that care.

My sons-in-law aren’t roaming through beautiful country right now.  They aren’t smelling the fresh clean air.  They are “enjoying” sand, and extreme temperatures, sleeping in bunks, traveling through very dangerous areas, being shot at, missing their spouses and children, and yet doing it for all of us, without complaint.

“It’s all so “black and white” because it is their job and expected as soldiers in the Army of the good ole’ USA…. except that they are in the middle of it.

Oh Lord…..nevermind.  I dont’ really NEED to move right now.  We’ve done enough of that recently, it won’t hurt us to wait for our “dream” home a while longer.

Lord, today I will try to be the best parent I can be … once again.  I will try to just remain grateful for these good times like yesterday when I was surprised with a wonderful visit by both my daughters and my Granddaughter.  Lord, that Granddaughter!!!….she just makes me smile!  🙂 🙂 🙂   See?!  I even have to add “smileys” here when I think of her!  I get even more excited knowing that there is another grandchild on the way!  Two grandchildren, Lord!  Two!  (and I’m still young enough to enjoy playing with them!)  Thank you Lord.  I love my family 🙂

Speaking of family…. I will never forget the work you have done for us healing Brett’s seizures.  Lord, you know how hard of a time that period of years was for us….feeling so hopeless to do anything for him…daily missing opportunities to enjoy life because of the fear of additional illness.  He didn’t even get a chance to play at McDonald’s as a toddler!  Definately too many germs there to risk. 

However, Lord, he is now healed!  You performed a miracle no one else could even do.  Twenty-one seizures over a period of 2-3 years now “history”, thanks to you!  No doctors can explain it.  No hospitals found conclusive reasoning, but you, Lord!  There’s no doubt that you took care of it!

…and now, I know it’s possible for you to take care of our friends. I believe, Lord, that you can heal Natalie if it serves Your will and purpose.  Please help her family get through the “gray” times, like You did for us during Brett’s illness. 

Help us to remember and help others recognize that there’s no “black and white” during hard times like these, except for Your love.   It is the one thing we can count on everyday. 

A friend, Josh King, once stated “The bible is not situationally ethical.  Man colors in the gray; God is always black and white.”  I wrote this in my bible on October 21, 2006 so that I could remind myself that You are never failing, Lord.  It is only us that colors in the “gray“.  We get so messed up in the head, confused by worry, fear, hurt, despair, desperation, anger, concern, doubt, etc that we take our eyes from You and spend all our energies trying to “fix it ourself”. 

Desperately we lash out.  Desperately we blame others.  Desperately we do things that make no sense logically (as our friends are ordering our padded room and straight jacket).  Desperately we sometimes even blame you, Lord…

…but in all actuality, You sit there, patiently waiting.  Your love is still there, wishing we would just quit flailing our arms and reach out to what you offer through faith.  If we would only learn that You are truly in control, and have our “back”, we would fare so much better.  If we would only learn…

Thank you for your consistent, never changing love Lord.

One more thing, Lord…

Writing all this now, I realize that having a sore leg isn’t so bad after all.  I’ll just try to push through the pain and work out today anyway.  I’ll “suck it up” and tell my friends I’m back on the road to fitness, even when I know I may not be quite ready to run.  I won’t let the “gray” suck me in for today, Lord.  I’ll focus on You instead.  Your “black and white” love is so much more appealing that my “gray“. 

…and when I look around and see someone else struggling, I’ll remember…

It’s all so “black and white”  … except for the thing they are in the middle of.


Filed under Blessings, Children, Faith, Family, Febrile Seizure, Friends, God, Grace, Life, Parenting, Trials