Tears on my face, anger building up in my soul, I sit here tonight….just 3 hours after Brett’s 17th seizure.
No warning really, just dropping on the ground in a very violent seizure lasting three and half minutes. His face turned blue. We could do Nothing.
Why Lord? Why does my son have to suffer through this? He’s just a little boy.
We’re especially concerned about this one because he didn’t wake up very well from the sleep that follows the seizure. His speech was slurred more than usual this time, and his motor functions weren’t right. He would reach out to grab something and just let his hand fall short of the object, or jerk his whole arm in an attempt to begin the action of reaching.
Right now, he’s sleeping and his fever is finally coming down. (Thank you, Lord.)
As I try to make some sense of this again, questions come in my mind.
Just today, I was reading my bible as much as possible. (I’m trying to read through it this year, and have fallen behind, so I spent most of my extra time today reading.) I got all the way to the book of Job and stopped.
I hesitated beginning Job. As a matter of fact, I dreaded reading Job because it seems like every time I read Job something bad happens. Yes, I know… Job maintained his faith and obedience to God through horrible circumstances and tragedy. For many, like my husband, the book of Job strengthens. For me, it seems to bring doubt and fear.
After returning home and getting Brett settled for the night, I spent a while just leaning over him, looking at his beautiful face and watching him breathe….such precious breath…breath that he was struggling to hold onto for three and half minutes just over an hour earlier.
While studying his little face, I suddenly felt anger and the presence of satan trying to grab ahold of my little boy. Even now, it just makes me “crazy” with anger.
satan will NOT have my son!
I rebuked him in the name of Jesus Christ and told him to leave Brett alone. I can’t explain it with mere words, but I know that satan is attacking, and I probably sounded anything but Baptist as I poured my heart out to God over Brett’s sleeping form.
Part of me was thinking that I was thinking too much. The other part knew what was going on.
I came to the computer, pulled up my blog stat page, and noticed these words:
“satan is attacking now July 2007”
They were in the section that normally shows search engine terms that “someone” has typed in and found my blog. I know that it was confirmation of what we are going through.
So…for those of you who think I may have “lost my rocker”…I haven’t. It is just becoming clear to me that we are under attack. My son, unfortunately, is paying the price for our obedience to God. I refuse to allow satan a victory. The victory has already been established at the cross. The battle has been won.
I will go ahead and forge through Job, clinging to all the wisdom gained by his trials. I give God the glory as I try to give up my fear.
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
“And the God of peace will crush satan under your feet shortly.” Romans 16:20
A crushed satan cannot have my child.
satan….you have lost this battle AND the war.
To my Christian brothers and sisters, could I just ask you to just pray? Please pray that God will be merciful to heal Brett’s body of these seizures? Please pray for Kenneth and I as we try to give this to God. I’ll be honest….it isn’t easy. Thank you for interceding on our behalf.